“You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality.” Florida Scott Maxwell.
I thought I semi- retired and after my last real “job” which I loved, I was driven by anxiety wondering how I was going to make it. And here I am 12 years later, making it, in my way, still taking risks, still entering into adventure still understanding that what holds me in my deep core, my true home is a belief, a trust that is no longer questioned. In what? That I am not all there is and when I forget or think I have the reins I am taken back to my knees to surrender. By who? Who knows. My strong and resilient ancestors, definitely keep a track on all that, the God of my understanding, Nature and are Nature and God maybe the same?
Their’s little doubt that in my older age I have become more intense, everyone who knows me will vouch for that….. or as Florida Scott Maxwell says, “fierce with reality” We are so afraid of loving fiercely, speaking up and out, standing up or offering what Ram Dass calls fierce Compassion. When I see that sentence, I see a passion that is so fierce that it can break us open, break the masks and inauthenticity in a way that as one person puts it “ You’ve just saved me years of therapy Mbali” That statement is fierce and will rustle a few feathers, if it does then I am happy, because there’s no shame in rustling feathers, stirring the pot or creating the fire of chaos. I am not talking about saving the world, who do we think we are, and there in lies the mystery.
As long as we return to what we know. Our innate knowing that we are wild, childlike, playful, can sing and dance and play music in an abandoned love of ourselves what we may have forgotten, residing deep inside us, our indigenous selves.
“Many different strands of your past experience begin to weave together until gradually the new direction announces itself. Its voice is sure with the inevitability of the truth. When your life-decisions emerge in this way from the matrix of your experience, they warrant your trust and commitment. When you can choose in this way, you move gracefully within the deeper rhythm of your soul. The geography of your destiny is always clearer to the eye of your soul than to the intentions and needs of your surface mind.”
And then there’s nature. All encompassing mother.
I have been walking my child to school. We are lucky that his school is across from the Ocean. Each morning on the way we watch the sunrise over the ocean, each walk back, I get to sit and spend time with this mother to ask for help in my new role of Godmother, because I need it. Whatever is happening in our lives, changes when I inhale and ingest all of nature and see the mountains that surround me. I am returned to a place of peace a place where I know in my bones that this is also me all of it. That when I disconnect from this nature I too fall.
It’s my creative cosmology, this earth this water this nature, mountain and all the wild ones and spirits that dwell in and around us. And then there’s my very much alive ancestors, working with me guiding me pulling and tugging at the reins and loving me no matter what and also reminding me of their fierce Compassion.
When I work with clients and students, with divination, rituals or vision quests and journeys, I see that when they return the mystery of what has happened, the change and transformation in the mind the heart the body the spirit is tested almost assaulted by their “old life” . Integration can be difficult because we want to return to the old ways, ( well actually we don’t) but we battle with wolves and dragons and predators that are just waiting to take us back. Sometimes we enter a darkness so fierce it breaks us down as the grief and death of the changes and what we left behind is finally being laid to rest and we emerge birthing the baby that has been gestating for so many years and sometimes we do go back only to be shown the mirror of our lives and how in some ways there is no other way but to re birth. It doesn’t matter what form it takes or how long. What matters is that we’ve taken the next step to the next step on the so called path which is really only going back to the beginning to its origin to it’s source. How then do we do this thing called the one life?
I am still learning, but what I do know is that to understand the creative cosmology of my life through my work with seen and unseen worlds, has been my saving grace. That the life I was given with all it’s hard lessons have made me intense and fierce and that my purpose here is to keep surrendering and stay in my authentic being, inscribed in bones from before I was born.
“The calling starts when we’re young. The problem is that it’s a soft voice and we often don’t hear it, especially with the chatter around us. But it’s there. So what happens when we get in trouble is it stops the chatter and sometimes that voice gets through. But often it doesn’t get through fully when we’re young and a lot of people live a life not tied to the genius of their own soul. But here’s the valuable thing. This is so important, the awakening of one’s genius, the moving closer to living the life of giftedness and purpose, that the calling keeps calling. And no matter how old a person is or how close they get to the door of exit, the calling keeps calling. A person can awaken at any point along the path of life.”
– Michael Meade
As a Stick diviner gifted to me by the Dagara people of West Africa I am always stunned, in awe at the work with other souls on their journey who look into this ancient system and its ways of healing, teaching, connecting, ritual and transformation. The work of healing from ancestral legacy and wounding is deep and stunningly beautiful, and assists in the calling in of the pieces that may have been lost, that we have forgotten, that are a part of us and in that we can assist as partners with the other world to do the healing work being called for.
Who do we think we are? I leave you with that question and offer you a divination to perhaps give you a window into the beautiful what is waiting to be birthed in you, to unearth what is calling you and what is being called for, to assist in navigating a world that is being turned upside down. It requires a fierce warrior like courage, a lion’s heart to be here these days.
May all worlds bless and protect you always